In every relationship, there are various phases the two partners pass through. Once you get to the honeymoon phase, everything just feels right and seems so perfect that you begin to lose yourself In the other person while disregarding your identity.
Your boundaries begin to blur, and you happily give your all with the mindset that you are receiving just as much. Most times you feel mature especially when you declare your changing taste, but this mindset gives you a codependent mentality. Keep reading if you’re wondering, “Can two codependents have a healthy relationship?”
What Happens to Codependents in a Relationship?
At one point, a codependent in this relationship starts to give in too much, thus creating an imbalance. The codependents always feel needy, weak, and also put their partner on a high pedestal. This kind of relationship becomes so toxic, because codependents can take any kind of abuse and still look the other way as if nothing happened.
This is not healthy, and it is even worse for two codependents are in a relationship. Let’s discuss why there’s a need for change. No doubt you love your partner and want to do anything for them, but one common problem with codependents is that they try to manipulate or control the other person as a way to deal with their distress.
Rather than asking directly, they start using manipulative tactics as a way to avoid feeling their apprehension. This most times causes the codependent to be depressed since feelings like anger, pain, anxiety is suppressed. Rather than suppressing these emotions, it’s best to feel and identify the anxiety and express your concerns rather than stuff them in. This is the starting point of making the relationship healthier.
More About Codependency
Codependents like controlling every situation around them in a passive aggressive way, largely due to insecurities, and because of this mindset it makes them manipulative and easy to agitate. They typically have low self-esteem, and they always feel they are not worthy enough so they try to control the situation as much as they possibly can to avoid feeling emotional pain. But unknown to them this is what makes them most vulnerable because their easily displayed emotions make it easy to read them like an open book and manipulate by others. It is hard for them to hide their feelings, because they care too much about things that are not in their control – like how their partner feels about them.
For any relationship to work, trust and boundaries need to be established. There’ no doubt you want to give your partner what they want, but giving them everything should not make you lose yourself. The solution is to establish boundaries in the relationship and start thinking for yourself and taking care of yourself.
Reach out to friends who you cut out from your life because of your relationship. Join support groups such as various Twelve Step Groups (like Codependents Anonymous, aka CoDA, or Al-Anon), decide whether to see a therapist vs psychiatrist, engage in hobbies, read self-help books about codependency by authors like Melody Beattie, and just do anything that would make you feel like yourself again.
Can two codependents have a healthy relationship? Yes, they definitely can. But only when successfully recognize their issues and taking positive steps to deal with them. Self-control is also key to having this healthy relationship. When you cultivate self-control and learn to let go and ask for help when you need certain needs met, both partners will learn to love themselves more and succeed in achieving a healthy relationship.